This is a feeling that those who are constantly going in and out of homelessness in Horry County may feel on a much more regular basis than others. But, the worst part about these types of thoughts are that, when certain negative situations rise again and again, they can be very hard to come back from emotionally, mentally and socially. And, when you finally do get out of a situation, and finally find some happiness, the positive feelings that you are not used to can be hard to fully access and actually enjoy. This is all because of negative emotional conditioning, and it takes effort to live in the moment and learn how to enjoy yourself again.
When I was arrested for no reason on Halloween night and lost my apartment and a job because of it, my faith was tested in a major way. If it wasn’t for my family having my back, I don’t know what I would’ve done, or where I would have gone. Just to give you guys an update, yes, I still am suing the officer and/or the department for what they did to me. Still, all the events that happened put me in a dark place, and I forgot how to be happy for a few weeks. I really thought that God had turned his back on me. But then, something began to happen.
Right when I almost gave up, and my head was full of so many things that I felt like I was gonna faint, I dropped to my knees and asked God to take it all away. I asked Him to please take all my problems, all the ones that I had no immediate control over, to take them off my mind and heart, because it was just too painful to bear. I had no idea why all those things had happened to me, but I just couldn’t let go of one thought – that God could not have possibly brought me this far to turn His back on me. Then, on my last ounce of faith that I had left, I surrendered to His will.
Ok, now you guys may not believe me, but this is the truth. Even though I had become almost homeless in Myrtle Beach, and had lost an apartment and a gig that was in Ohio because of the wrongful arrest, after spontaneously surrendering to God’s will, I felt a lightness in my body, and my brain didn’t feel all the mental weight that it did before. God told me to remember who I was, and to do what I do best, which was to find clients and write. I always do that, but the way He told me to do it was to do it as if me hustling hard was to be used an instrument to escape mentally from what was immediately going on with me. I think He saw that I was about to start back drinking heavily again because of all my troubles, and wanted me to vent in another way, so I did (by the way, I didn’t stop 100%, but I slowed down a whole lot, just to give you guys an update from my article on alcoholism from a while back).
Man, let me tell you, I felt so free giving Him all my problems. He blessed me with a few new clients in the first couple of weeks, then, on top of that, my brother in law gave me a strong recommendation at an outside-the-house job. I was surprised at how fast God was working, and it all came from me simply letting go of the bad stuff and being strong enough to realize that I am not in control, He is. I had to remember how to be happy again, because Satan was trying to make me forget. When he does that (and he will from time to time, that’s just life, that’s his job), it’s up to us to trust God and how much stronger he is than Lucifer.
All that being said, as I continue to go through all this litigation and keep moving forward with work and living a blessed, joyful life, I just want to tell all the folks living in poverty and going through the worst situations in Horry County that God is able. I’m serious. I mean, He can truly, truly take all the mental and emotional pain you feel every day away if you drop to your knees and pray hard to Him. When I say hard, I mean admit your problems, your strengths, and your issues. And, thank Him for giving you the good mind to talk to Him. You may begin to feel tears come down your face, you may feel a tingling sensation in your body, you may feel euphoria, you may feel chill bumps. I did, and I feel that those were the physical signs that I was truly releasing myself to a Higher Power, God, and that my message to Him was being heard, and that my faith was being renewed.
I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I’m glad that I’m not where I used to be. The devil will come into your life at the worst times (especially if it’s during something as serious as Myrtle Beach homelessness), but don’t let him win.